Pockets

by Lynn W. Gilliam

A scene from my home a few years back:

The soft glow of the single candle illuminates the faces of my children as we gather around the Advent wreath once again. Their eyes sparkle with anticipation and excitement. My 10-year-old daughter begins to read the scripture for the day’s devotion. It is a beautiful, sacred moment until …

My five-year-old son begins to jump up and down, wanting to know when it will be time to put the candle out and could he please blow it out now (because next to lighting candles, blowing them out is the most fun of all). And his sister, not too lovingly, admonishes him for interrupting her reading. Then he wanders away to look for something to play with …

Well, you get the idea.

The kids are older now, the daughter away at college and not with us for most of Advent. Yet we continue to practice devotions every Sunday evening during Advent as we have since our daughter was an infant. I admit that there have been times, especially in those early years, when I wondered why we bothered. At times, it seemed to mean nothing to the children, and their antics made it impossible for either my husband or me to have anything like a contemplative moment.

And yet this ritual will be repeated at our house this Advent and every Advent—because we need it.

We Need Advent …

We need Advent because so much in our culture tells us that this season is about buying—the perfect present, the perfect decorations, the perfect feast, even the perfect memories for our families. We need more than anything to be reminded of God’s perfect gift to all of humankind.

We need it because so much in our culture tells us that Christmas begins at least the day after Thanksgiving (if not the day after Halloween). We need to be reminded that we are waiting, that God’s time is not our time, that the world waited a long time for a savior.

We need it because so much in our culture tells us that our lives should be built around our jobs, our purchasing power, our frantic schedules. We need to remind each other that we belong to God. We need to tell and hear the story of a God who chose to become poor and vulnerable.

Of course, carving out that little extra bit of time for Advent devotions often seems impossible. When we add to our already-busy lives the demands of the holiday season as most of us experience it, the idea of adding one more thing is daunting. And there’s no magical answer to this. We simply have to commit ourselves to making it a priority for this season. Having a fixed time every week can be helpful, but some flexibility is in order, too. We normally have our Advent devotions on Sunday evening before supper. But families who have other obligations at those times may find that a weekday evening or even a morning works better for them. Any time when the family can be together can be the right time.

Our Advent Ritual

Our Advent ritual is simple. We light the candle or candles. We read the scripture and the Advent Litany for that day, and we pray. Then we listen to a CD of Advent hymns. Other families do a family activity together. In any case, the time need not be long and should take into consideration the ages and attention spans of those participating.

It is important that children play an active role in the Advent devotions. Even very young children can light a candle with adult supervision and, if needed, help. Family members of all ages can participate in gathering greens to put around the wreath and in arranging them. As soon as children are able to read they should be encouraged to read the scripture or serve as leader for the litany. In these ways, children come to “own” this ritual and look forward to it rather than merely going through the motions because we want them to.

Blessed Moments

If your family is like mine, practicing Advent devotions together will produce some exasperating moments. But there will be those blessed moments when you know that in spite of the chaos something holy is going on.

I have experienced many such moments. A few examples: when my first-grade daughter, just learning to read, read the story of the annunciation from her Bible story book, after having practiced it during the week so that she could surprise her dad; occasions when the children in younger years disappeared after the litany and returned a few minutes later with “costumes” and “props” and to act out the scripture we had read ; times when the children asked to include their friends in our ritual and the friends were happy to join in.

With very few exceptions, my children would have a hard time remembering what was under the tree on any Christmas morning. But I believe that the stories and promises of God that they have heard by the light of the Advent candles will forever be a part of who they are. And that makes it more than worthwhile.

Some Practical Matters

Be realistic in your expectations. Young children, as any parent knows, are not likely to remain still and quiet for very long. Encourage children to listen quietly to the scripture readings (which are generally quite brief) and to participate in the litany. A parent standing with an arm around the child may help a toddler or preschooler to remain attentive. But don’t turn the occasion into a battle of the wills. If a young child sits nearby on the floor and plays with a toy, for instance, no harm is done.

An Advent wreath need not be elaborate. Of course, many bookstores and catalogs sell Advent wreaths. But four candles set in a circle with a white pillar candle in the middle work perfectly well. If you surround the candles with some greenery, it can be quite attractive. (Collect greenery from your own yard or check with a Christmas tree lot for some branches that have been trimmed from trees.) When the greenery becomes dry, put it on your compost pile and replace it with fresh. Needless to say, never leave candles burning unattended or leave children alone in a room with burning candles. And watch that the candles don’t burn down too close to the greenery.

The traditional color for Advent candles is either three purple and one pink or all blue. The middle candle, representing Christ, is generally white. In our family, the youngest family member lights the first candle each week. The second youngest lights the second candle, and so on. When the children were young, we used an extra candle, lit by an adult, to light the candles on the wreath.

Lynn W. Gilliam is the editor of Pockets magazine.

“Advent: Preparing Your Family to Welcome the Christ Child” by Lynn W. Gilliam. From Pockets Newsletter, Vol. 1, No. 2, December 1998 – March 1999, copyright © 1998 The Upper Room®. Permission is granted to reproduce for use in local churches.