Second reader: Read Acts 2:1-11

One: Jesus told the disciples that the Holy Spirit would come to them

All: And give them power to be his witnesses.

One: The Spirit gave them power to tell others about Jesus

All: And to live the way he taught us to live.

One: The Holy Spirit also gives us [...]]]> First reader: Read Acts 1:6-8

Second reader: Read Acts 2:1-11

One: Jesus told the disciples that the Holy Spirit would come to them

All: And give them power to be his witnesses.

One: The Spirit gave them power to tell others about Jesus

All: And to live the way he taught us to live.

One: The Holy Spirit also gives us the power to be Christ’s witnesses.

All: We can tell others about Jesus and how he taught us to live:

One: Loving God,

All: Loving our neighbors,

One: Showing kindness and compassion,

All: Caring for those who are in need,

One: Visiting those who are lonely.

All: Treating all people with respect.

One: Every day brings us opportunities to be Christ’s witnesses

All: In our home, in our community, and in the world.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, fill our lives. Give us power to live as faithful witnesses to God’s love and to the way Jesus taught us to live. Amen.

Together Time: Talk about ways your family can witnesses for Christ. What’s one thing each person will do in the next week? What will you do as a family? Plan a time to get back together and talk about what you have done individually and as a family.

When my husband and I served as Malibu United Methodist Church’s co-pastors, our children attended the church nursery school. Besides the obvious benefits of being physically close to our kids, our parenting benefitted from the role models of an excellent school staff.

“I can always tell the kids from Malibu Methodist Nursery School,” a local kindergarten [...]]]>  

When my husband and I served as Malibu United Methodist Church’s co-pastors, our children attended the church nursery school. Besides the obvious benefits of being physically close to our kids, our parenting benefitted from the role models of an excellent school staff.

“I can always tell the kids from Malibu Methodist Nursery School,” a local kindergarten teacher told me. “They’re the ones who know how to use their words.” I knew what she meant because from my office view of the playground, I saw confrontations and reconciliations happening all day long.

“I don’t like when you do that!” a three-year-old girl might yell at a boy who had just pulled a toy out of her hands.

“Well, I feel bad when you don’t share!” the boy might yell back.

Teachers were available to ask, “How can you two work this out?”

All the children at this nursery school saw conflict resolution modeled by caring adults who guided them through the process until “use your words” became part of who they were.

Pockets readers are long past preschool, but parents of older children can use some of the same principles to prevent and work through conflicts in their families. Sharing toys may not be an issue, but what about sharing computer or television time? Or what happens when one sibling says hurtful things to another or argue over chores? When adults model conflict resolution in their own relationships and encourage kids to express their feelings, small disputes won’t grow into large battles.

Family meetings are a way to keep communication open and give children a voice in family decisions. My husband and I instituted family meetings into our schedule when our kids were five and eight years old. These weekly meetings were an opportunity to bring up a wide variety of topics: ideas for family outings or vacations, conflict between siblings, our meal preparation and cleanup schedule. Nothing was off limits. We kept a blank sheet of paper on the refrigerator where anyone could write down something they wanted to talk about. That paper became our agenda, and a different family member chaired the meeting every week.

Several family rules made this interaction possible:

1)   Family is important.

2)   Everyone deserves respect.

3)   People are more important than things.

4)   Feelings aren’t right or wrong.

Because we created a space and regular time where even difficult issues could safely be probed, we experienced little conflict the rest of the week. The act of writing down a concern or topic was empowering. The family meeting promised that each voice would be heard, differences accepted, and relationships strengthened. Meetings rarely lasted more than thirty minutes.

Problems were sometimes resolved in unexpected ways. When our son, Justus, received a huge Super Soaker as a birthday party gift, he thanked the giver but didn’t open the box. Because he knew we didn’t allow any kind of weapons in our home, Justus wrote Super Soaker on the family meeting agenda. At the family meeting, Justus told us he really loved the gift. Did the Super Soaker, which sure looked like a gun, but was, after all, shooting water, constitute a weapon? I don’t remember all the discussion, but I was surprised the unanimous outcome: four votes  (including Justus’s) for returning the gift to the store and choosing an alternate toy.

Besides family meetings, here are other suggestions for strengthening family bonds in ways that prevent family conflicts:

*Be active participants in a community of faith that gives support, mentoring, and the feel of extended family.

*Brainstorm your family’s own list of house rules.

*Make time for family devotions and/or scripture reading.

*Spend time with each child daily.

*Plan special “dates” with each child separately on a regular basis.

*Listen deeply to your children.

*Create an environment in which kids feel like they can share anything without being judged.

*Honestly share your own feelings.

*Pray together.

*Monitor outside influences such as television and computer use for violence, which can encourage negative behaviors.

Your family will find its own ways to show love, grow together and deal with conflict when it arises. As Jesus said, “In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” (John 13:3, The Message)

Anne Broyles is author of picture books and middle-grade and young adult novels. She has served as contributing editor for several issues of Pockets and a founding advisory board member of Weavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life. She and her husband, Larry Peacock, are the parents of two adult children,.

Resource List on Resolving Conflicts within Families

Books can be a wonderful way to help children explore their feelings about family members and family dynamics. Picture books are quick reads and might provide a child-parent discussion starter or focus of a family meeting. Parents and children can both read chapter books with a shared time to explore reactions to characters and their actions. Nonfiction books provide information and ideas on how to strengthen family relationships.

Older Elementary Nonfiction Books About Sibling Rivalry

Bratty Brothers and Selfish Sisters: All About Sibling Rivalry by R. W. Alley

Siblings: You’re Stuck with Each Other, So Stick Together (Laugh and Learn) by James J. Crist Ph.D. and Elizabeth Verdick

Respect: Dare to Care, Share and Be Fair! by Ted O’Neal and Jenny O’Neal

Older Elementary Chapter Books (Fiction) about Family Conflicts

Superfudge by Judy Blume

12-year-old Peter Hatcher’s younger brother, Fudge, is a pain, but Peter fears his life will only get worse with the arrival of a new baby and a move to a different city in this classic, funny look at family life. (If your kids still believe in Santa Claus, you might want them to wait to read this.) Other books in the series: Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Fudge-A-Mania, Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great.

Ramona Quimby, Age 8, Beezus and Ramona, Ramona and Her Father, Ramona and her Mother (and others in the series) by Beverly Cleary

The Quimby family is warm, loving and imperfect in ways most young readers can relate to. There’s plenty of humor in everyday situations that mirror what happens in real-life families.

My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier

During the Revolutionary War, Tim Meeker feels torn between his father’s Loyalist ideas, and his older brother, Sam’s commitment to fight for the revolution.

The Lemonade War by Jaqueline Davies

Evan and Jessie get along well until the younger sister skips a grade and ends up in her brother’s classroom. Things go downhill until they are locked in a lemonade stand contest that tests their relationship. The Lemonade Crime and The Bell War conclude the series.

Rules by Cynthia Lord

Readers will empathize with 12-year-old Catherine’s genuine love for her autistic brother and her frustration at his behaviors that make her cringe.

Operation Dump the Chump by Barbara Park

Oscar Winkle comes up with a plan to get rid of his younger brother, Robert (who he calls Slobert). This hilarious book is by the author of the Junie B. Jones series.

The War with Grandpa by Robert Kimmel Smith

When Grandpa moves in with Peter’s family, the 10-year-old must give up his room. Peter “declares war” on his beloved grandparent and discovers Grandpa has a few tricks of his own.

Quick Reads/Books for Younger Readers about Family Conflicts

The Chicken of the Family by Mary Amato and Dephine Durand

Two older sisters tease their youngest sister that she is really a chicken and doesn’t belong in their family. When she takes them seriously, they must convince her she is human.

Mine by Shutta Crum and Patrice Barton

Two toddlers and their dog navigate the complicated world of sharing.

Goldie Locks Has Chicken Pox by Erin Dealey and Hanako Wakiyama

When Goldie comes down with chicken pox, her brother’s teasing makes her feel worse.  It’s only a matter of time until he also gets sick, but there’s plenty of nursery rhyme characters and humor before then.

The Tale of Pip and Squeak by Kate Duke

When two bickering brothers try to outdo each other, they find they must work together to save their theatrical production.

Scribble by Deborah Freedman

Emma and Lucie fight about their artistic styles but end up co-creating a story within a story that brings them together.

Emma Dilemma, by Christine O’Connell George and Nancy Carpenter

This book touches on the high and low points of having a sibling and trying to be a “good” big sister.

A Birthday for Frances by Russell Hoban

Frances struggles with jealousy when little sister, Gloria, gets attention on her birthday.

Big Red Lollipop by Rukhsana Khan and Sophie Blackall

Younger sister, Sana’s demands to go with older sister, Rubina to a birthday party lead to catastrophe, but when the tables are turned, Rubina shows how well she understands her little sister.

Sarah’s Room by Doris Orgel and Maurice Sendak

Younger sister, Jenny, who is not allowed into older sister, Sarah’s room, surprises everyone when she finds a way in and proves she is old enough to be responsible with her sister’s things.

Big Sister, Little Sister by LeUyen Pham

The little sister gets to tell her side of the story (hand-me-down clothes, being bossed around) in this sweet celebration of sisterhood.

Otto Grows Down by Michael Sussman

Otto’s wish that his new sister had never been born backfires when  time moves backwards, and he finds himself getting younger and younger. How can Otto stop the clock?

I’ll Fix Anthony by Judith Viorst

A younger brother bemoans how mean his older brother is, and looks forward to the time when he will be old enough to get back at him.

The Twins’ Blanket by Hyewon Yun

Sharing is not a problem for these 5-year-old twin girls, but they must figure out how to become independent from each other.

Big Sister and Little Sister by Charlotte Zolotow.

A little sister runs away from her older sister’s constant attention and realizes how much their mutual bond means.

Books for Parents to Read on Their Own

SIblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Close Kids—Connect Your Children for Life by Brett A. Johnston and Tiffini D. Johnston

The Resolving Sibling Rivalry Book by Peter Nicholson and Fiona McAuslan

Starting Out Right: Nurturing Young Children as Peacemakers by Kathleen McGinnis and Barbara Oehlberg

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising Siblings: Tips to Eliminate Rivalry, Avoid Favoritism, and Keep the Peace by Linda Sonna

Just Family Nights: 60 Activities to Keep our Family Together in a World Falling Apart by Susan Vogt.

Mom, Jason’s Breathing on Me: The Solution to Sibling Bickering by Anthony E. Wolf

What are some good rules for working out conflicts?

Do you think our family does a good job of resolving things when we disagree?

What could we do better?

How do you handle it when you have a conflict with a friend?

How do little conflicts turn into big conflicts? What can we do to stop our [...]]]> Dinner Conversation Starters

What are some good rules for working out conflicts?

Do you think our family does a good job of resolving things when we disagree?

What could we do better?

How do you handle it when you have a conflict with a friend?

How do little conflicts turn into big conflicts? What can we do to stop our small disagreements from turning into big conflicts?

How do you know when someone is really listening to you?

Who’s someone you think is really a good listener? What makes that person a good listener?

Do you think we do a good job of listening to one another in our family?

What could we do to be better listeners?

What does it mean to listen [...]]]> Dinnertime Conversation Starters

How do you know when someone is really listening to you?

Who’s someone you think is really a good listener? What makes that person a good listener?

Do you think we do a good job of listening to one another in our family?

What could we do to be better listeners?

What does it mean to listen to God? How can we hear God when we pray? What other ways do we hear God?

“You’re not listening!”

How many times have you said those or similar words to the people you live with? The feeling that our children or spouses may not be listening is a familiar frustration, but adults aren’t the only ones who experience this. Several experts have recently noted that children often report having to compete with [...]]]>  

“You’re not listening!”

How many times have you said those or similar words to the people you live with? The feeling that our children or spouses may not be listening is a familiar frustration, but adults aren’t the only ones who experience this. Several experts have recently noted that children often report having to compete with smartphones and other gadgets for their parents’ time and attention.

The truth is that we live in a noisy, busy world, and it’s a challenge for any of us to truly listen to the people around us. We may not be able to turn back the clock to a fabled “simpler” time; we may not even want to. But we can take a few simple steps that can move us (and the children we love) to be better listeners.

Here are some ideas:

Make mealtime together a priority. You may not be able to get everyone together for dinner every night, but make it a priority to gather as many family members as possible as often as possible. (And if you find that it’s never possible, some reevaluation of activities may be in order.) Make the family dinner table a tech-free zone. Leave cell phones elsewhere. Ignore the landline if it rings. Leave the TV off. This time is for talking and listening to one another. Begin with a prayer of gratitude for the food and for the time together. Then use our Conversation Starters or give each person a chance to recount the best and worst thing that happened to him or her that day. If this is a new practice, it may feel a little awkward at first, but over time family members will begin to look forward to it.

When trouble seems to be brewing, set aside time for a more intentional listening session. Once when my usually easy-going daughter had been cranky and uncooperative for several days, I asked her to make a list of everything that was bothering her. Then we sat down together and went through each of her complaints. For once, I restrained myself from commenting on (or arguing with) what she was saying. I just listened. I couldn’t resolve many of the issues (sending her brother to live elsewhere was not an option!), but it turned out that I didn’t need to. Just knowing that I had heard and cared about the things that were bothering her was enough to restore her normal demeanor.

Have the kids to join you with household chores. Will your kids be excited to sort the recycling with mom or make dinner with dad? Probably not, but a child who’s reluctant to open up in other circumstances may be more forthcoming if you’re folding laundry or weeding the garden together. Having something to do with your hands takes some pressure off the conversation. And every conversation doesn’t need to be deep and meaningful. Simply talking about what you had for lunch, something funny someone said, or next week’s game can pave the way for more significant conversations at other times.

Take advantage of transportation time. It’s tempting to squeeze in a phone call while driving the kids to soccer or home from school. Or maybe we’re ready to talk but find the kids texting or with the earbuds firmly stuck in their ears (or, more likely, both). But time in the car (or walking or on the bus) can be valuable time to talk and listen. Resist the urge to be on the phone during this time. And if kids are engaged in other activities, propose a compromise (i.e. “Let’s talk for ten minutes, then you can listen to your music”).

Consider some family listening rules. Have a family discussion about good listening practices. How do you know when someone’s really listening to you? What makes it hard for you to listen sometimes? Then come up with a few rules. (Some simple examples: Look at the person who’s speaking. Don’t talk until the other person is finished. Answer respectfully, etc.) Yes, these rules will be forgotten or ignored at times, but they will also help establish expectations. If parents are intentional about following the rules, kids are more likely to follow them. And parents and children can hold one another accountable.

Lynn W. Gilliam is editor of Pockets magazine.

All: And told us about God’s great love for us.

One: Jesus came and walked among us

All: And taught and healed.

One: And then he was gone, killed by people who thought they needed to protect their power

All: And by crowds who let themselves be talked into turning against Jesus.

That day [...]]]> One: Jesus came and walked among us

All: And told us about God’s great love for us.

One: Jesus came and walked among us

All: And taught and healed.

One: And then he was gone, killed by people who thought they needed to protect their power

All: And by crowds who let themselves be talked into turning against Jesus.

That day was very dark and very sad.

All: Our hearts were broken, and we felt empty.

One: But that was Friday,

All: And today is Sunday,

One: And everything is different!

All: Jesus is alive!

One: And because Jesus is alive, we are Easter people!

All: We have hope and joy and new life!

One: We are healers and peacemakers.

All: We are people who love instead of hate, forgive instead of get even.

One: So from this day on we proclaim

All: We are Easter people! Alleluia!

Together Time: Make a huge Alleluia! poster. Decorate it with things that make you want to shout “Alleluia!”

Prayer: Say a prayer, thanking God for all of the things you’ve drawn or written about on your poster. End your prayer with this: “We praise you, God! Thank you for making us Easter people! Amen.”

One: Every day we have to make choices …

All: Small ones, big ones, and sometimes huge ones!

One: Our choices matter.

All: But sometimes making them is hard!

One: When we have an important choice to make, where do we go for help?

All: How do we choose what to choose?

One: We can pray for God’s guidance.

All: [...]]]> Read Job 11:13-18.

One: Every day we have to make choices …

All: Small ones, big ones, and sometimes huge ones!

One: Our choices matter.

All: But sometimes making them is hard!

One: When we have an important choice to make, where do we go for help?

All: How do we choose what to choose?

One: We can pray for God’s guidance.

All: When we want to do what God wants us to do …

One: God will help us decide.

All: “If we direct our hearts rightly,”

One: “We stretch out our hands toward God.”

All: “And we will have confidence,”

One: “Because there is hope.”

All: Amen!

Prayer: God , help us to remember to seek your will whenever we have difficult choices to make. Amen.

Together Time:

Week 1: Discuss what Job 11:13-18 means to you. Then discuss choices that you have to make. Pray for God’s guidance for any choice that may be facing the family now.

Week 2: Make a list of choices that family members have to make in a typical day. These can be small and insignificant (toast or cereal for breakfast?) or more significant (spend time doing homework or texting friends). For each choice, ask: Is this an important choice? Does the choice affect anyone other than the person who’s making it? Does God care what I choose in this situation?

Week 3: Select some current news stories that reflect someone making a choice. Use the questions from Week 2 to discuss the stories that you have chosen. Conclude with a prayer for people in positions of power whose decisions affect the lives of many people.

Week 4: Write vertically the words making choices. Then for each letter, write a word or phrase that suggests something you can do to help you make a choice. For instance, m could be make a list of options; a could be ask for God’s guidance, etc.

What’s the hardest choice you’ve ever had to make?

What helps you whens you have a hard time choosing?

How do the members of our family help one another make good choices?

How do other people (friends, teachers, people from church) help us make good choices?

When you know you’ve made a bad choice, what can you do [...]]]> Conversation Starters

What’s the hardest choice you’ve ever had to make?

What helps you whens you have a hard time choosing?

How do the members of our family help one another make good choices?

How do other people (friends, teachers, people from church) help us make good choices?

When you know you’ve made a bad choice, what can you do to try to make it better?

How does our faith in God influence the choices we make as individuals and as a family?

Ash Wednesday, February 22, marks the beginning of the six-week observance of Lent in the church. Lent culminates in the events of Holy Week, leading up to the great exultation of Easter Sunday. Because the mood of Lent itself is somber and introspective—some would even say gloomy—we often don’t think to include [...]]]> by Janet R. Knight

Ash Wednesday, February 22, marks the beginning of the six-week observance of Lent in the church. Lent culminates in the events of Holy Week, leading up to the great exultation of Easter Sunday. Because the mood of Lent itself is somber and introspective—some would even say gloomy—we often don’t think to include children in its observance, short of the almost obligatory food bank collection.

But Lent doesn’t have to be gloomy. Solemn, yes; but not gloomy. And children can do solemn! Perhaps we should ask ourselves why the opportunity to become more Christ-like is often presented as such a gloomy prospect.

It’s true that denial, abstinence, and sacrifice have long been Lenten emphases but not simply for the sake of going without. Rather, these practices are to help us to focus on Christ, to help us to draw closer to Christ, to immerse ourselves in Christian living, to become more Christ-like.

Families with preschool and elementary-age children can observe the Lenten season as a time when we focus on growing closer to Jesus. For very young children, one of the best ways to talk about Jesus is Jesus as the Good Shepherd (John 10:3-5, 14-16; Luke 15:4-6). For school-age children, families can focus on the Gospel readings about Jesus, such as Mark 9:1-5; Mark 8:31-38 or 9:2-9; John 2:13-22; John 3:14-21; John 12:20-33; Mark 11:1-11. (If your church follows the lectionary, follow the Gospel readings for the current lectionary year.)

Let children either draw the story on regular paper and tie their drawings on a Lenten tree (a bare branch set in a tall vase or a can filled with rocks or marbles) or draw the story using markers on heavy, transparent plastic (obtainable at an office supply store) and mount the drawings on windows for a stained-glass effect. If you find the lectionary readings don’t lend themselves to this activity, you could instead read one of Jesus’ parables each week and let children illustrate it.

Other Home Observances of Lent

Other ideas for observing Lent at home:

Create a Lenten worship center (or change your existing worship center). Use a purple cloth to represent penitence. Include a Bible opened to the Gospel lesson, an empty bowl to symbolize fasting, a sharing box for money for the poor, perhaps a cactus to symbolize a desert journey, and a cross of small branches tied together with twine.

Practice simplicity. An emphasis on simplicity is customary during Lent both to reflect gospel values and to be in solidarity/sharing with those on the margins. Although children won’t necessarily understand these reasons, just growing up in a home where simplicity is practiced is in itself spiritual formation. Here are some ways to practice simplicity:

• Plan to eat one simple meal each week, perhaps a soup supper or a rice-and-beans meal. Put the money you save by eating simply in your sharing box to donate to a cause of your choosing after Lent.
• Go through closets and donate gently used toys, clothing, and books.
• Turn off TV and computers one night a week and play family games.
• Plant spring seeds. If it’s still too cold outside, start them in a pot. On Easter Sunday transfer some of the seedlings outside.
• Tell I-remember-when family stories.
• Help children decide on one small thing to give up (to “fast” from, even though it may not be food) to help them focus on the purpose of Lent.
• Practice the ancient custom of “burying” (putting away) something for Lent and taking it out again with great joy on Easter Sunday. You could put away a decorative household item, or your family could make an alleluia banner to put away until Easter Sunday.
• Take on an act of service as a family. Suggestions include adopting a grandparent, visiting a homebound neighbor or church member, serving in a soup kitchen, or collecting blankets for homeless shelters.
• Each week let each person draw the name of someone in the family to do something nice for. That something nice can be as simple as giving someone a hug.

Janet R. Knight is the former editor of Pockets magazine. She is a wife, mother, and grandmother and is active in her church’s outreach ministries with children.

What helps you know that God loves you?

What do you show your love for people in our family and others you love?

What’s a more important way of letting people know you love them—words or actions? Why?

What’s one way [...]]]> Who are the people you know for sure love you? What helps you know these people love you?

What helps you know that God loves you?

What do you show your love for people in our family and others you love?

What’s a more important way of letting people know you love them—words or actions? Why?

What’s one way you can show God’s love to someone tomorrow?